ReBirth

I haven't written down my thoughts in a really long time, at least for me. I used to write because I wanted to get out my negative feelings to the world or impress certain people. I felt tonight like writing simply because I missed it as a bygone method of personal expression.

Once upon a time I was a college graduate without a lick of sense on where to take my life. I was twenty three years old and completely sure I had NO IDEA where to go. I had no local friends and little to no money. Six years later, I'm living in another city with my girlfriend, a new car, and a few people I call friends. There was some stuff that happened in the middle but if you really wanna know about or revisit that stuff just log back into your old myspace account and read my old blogs.

There is something truly insidious about growing up and growing old. The longer you live the more there is too look back upon and miss. I just finished watching the finale of a show that made me think to life gone by. The finale of Greek ended with all the characters growing up. The ending felt abrupt and a bit of a scraped together of elements to tie up the series. I feel like that's the way my life has been going. I feel as though a lot more responsibility has been dumped upon me lately. The idea is that Life is forcing me to look past the way things were and move on. I mean if you think too much about how things were then you're not enjoying how things are and delaying how they could be.

If I were to go back and read my old blogs I think first, well I'd be embarrassed, and second sad that I spent sooooo much time dwelling on things that were already past. I think I ran out of reasons to dwell at some point. I'm not saying there has been a grand transformation on who I am. I am saying I'm looking forward to seeing who I can be.

This will be a new format. I don't know how often I'll write but I shall try to write more often. I will also explore trying to write on more varied topics. I've missed writing, hopefully this will be the start of something more.

-S

Worker bee

"It's been a good year, a good new beginning,
I'm through with the old school
so let's commence the winning."

Haven't written in awhile. I've thought about it, but without cohesive ideas, writing seemed pointless. Tonight I had too much alcohol to be active but not enough to knock me out and now that I've basically moved past the tipsy stage I'm well-awake so sleeping isn't an option.
It's late and no one is talking. This time of night on a weekend is a breeding ground for deep thinking and reflection, an often dangerous combo.
My thoughts tonight are directed to things that once were. My roommate and I were both slighted by a friend of ours we've both more or less agreed to write off. Not really end the friendship so much as not regard it. It's important because I've been doing that more and more in the last few months than I'm very much used to. As a social being I enjoy keeping my friends close but that has become difficult as I've discovered at my happiest I'm busy. The issue of happiness after Xtine was that I needed to find a way to make myself happy before I could make other people happy. Well keeping myself busy is what makes me happy. The problem is the ways I keep myself busy leave no room in my life for me to wait around for passive friendships. Friends who wait for me to interact with them rather than call me out themselves, in my personal opinion, aren't really that great of friends. The people I want to count as friends will seek me out too. That being said most of my closer friends from the last couple years have been criminally passive and have fallen by the wayside. Not to mention recent efforts to hang out have been thwarted by their... separate businesses. I don't bare much in the way of enmity for these people as I understand. the same kind of circumstances that keep them from hanging with me have recently stopped my motivations from keeping up with them. I suppose that's life. People grow, change, and move on. Up until recently, this moving on was a depressing reality. I was losing my friends and awful lonely. Lately, I've adapted found my own way, my own interests. Now I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a girl involved however I'm trying to look at things from different perspectives. I no longer wish to tie my favorite activities and places down to people I know. People will come and go. I've lost so much little bits of happiness because I'd tie a song, a show, or a place to a certain girl... then when things ended I'd hate the girl and everything tied to her. The girl I'm dating now loves zombies, am I going to stop liking zombies if we break up? Fuck no! I have been trying to learn to impose my own importance and favoritism on things and places so that they are simply things I share. So, when people ultimately exit my social boundaries they only exit the senses without dragging anything with them.
Now the exiting itself has been an issue worth thought lately. Someone I greatly care about told me, and I agreed, that friendships shouldn't require work. That person herself has pulled thusly from my aforementioned boundaries and it's a loss I feel more than I like. However, I can't do anything to stop it. I've tried and failed. I've vowed this year to better manage my debts and debtors. This isn't a money issue so much as a universal responsibility I've adopted. You don't talk to me, I won't talk to you. I've proclaimed for years to be egalitarian, well this is simply an extension of that ideology. To quote the epic 80's movie "The Legend of Billie Jean", "FAIR IS FAIR!" I know I'll get grief from this kind of action or inaction but I'm not going to work for anything not putting out. Another friend of mine has been ditching my efforts to hang out and I had enough. Last weekend I decided my efforts to do anything with her were over.
The odd thing I've noticed is that these obviously negative decisions are having unexpectedly positive results. Without the worry caused by stressing over the status of a friendship I'm much happier. I'm not saying we're enemies or anything. I'm not trying to hold a grudge... I'm just done with one-sided relationships altogether.

"I deserve a gold star."

-S-

"On Her Bed"

To the music of On A Boat by The Lonely Island.

Court-Nay!

OHHH CRAP! Get your Sweat Pants ready
It's about to get comfy!
Everybody in the place hit the effin' sheets
but under the mutha'effin' covers
You see her layin' it down!

She's on her bed, She's on her bed.
Everybody look at Courtney
Cuz she's sittin on her bed.
She's on her bed, She's on her bed.
Take a good hard look
at the mutha effin' BED.

She's on a bed mutha' effer, take a look at her!
Tucked in underneath the covers to avoid the BRRRR.
Bustin' sweat pants unda'neath her dress
Depauw pink and black, cuz they is tha bess!

Take a Picture, You, She's on a bed, sit!
and drinkin' diet coke, cuz she's so fit!
She's got her dress on, and her flippie-floppies
She's watchin' tv shows, you at work still,
Straight makin' copies!

She's on her bed dressed in flips and sweats
Her heat blankets on, just as warm and not at all wet.
But this ain't an Oven, but it's just as warm as it gets!
She in her bed, really comfy without any regret!

She's on her bed and She's got her sweats and
She got her skinned bronzed fresh from gettin' tanned.
She's the queen of her world in her bed like Heaven
You ain't in your bed, like her, seven eleven!

Get The Eff Down This Bed is REAL (comfy)

Eff work, she's in her bed, mutha'effer!
Eff' shoes, she's got her flips, mutha'effer!
She's in her bed with stuffed toys, mutha'effer!
Her tv shows makin' noise, mutha'effer!

Hey Vicky, if you could see her now
She's all curled up like only she knows how
All warm, but not a drop of sweat on her brow
Like Barney Stinson said, e'erybody "SUIT DOWN!"

Yeah I never thought I'd be on her bed
layin there, like I was dead
Courtney, look at me, oh, (all under the sheets)
Never thought I'd see the day
I'd get down on her bed and lay
Believe me when I say, I'm effin' lay-zay!

She's on her bed, She's on her bed.
Everybody look at Courtney
Cuz she's sittin on her bed.
She's on her bed, She's on her bed.
Take a good hard look
at the mutha effin' BED.

C-C-Court- NAY
Court-Nay
Yay ye yeah yeah.

All I Want For Christmas

"I don't want a lot for Christmas,
There's just one thing I need.
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree.
I just want you for my own.
More than you could ever know."

I have that song from "Love Actually" in my head hard core! If I were to concentrate on the emotions I was having for most of the day then I'd have to say this Christmas sucked. However, looking back it was the best Christmas of my adult life so far. First of all The negativity today started when I got a new GPS for my car as a gift from the Rents and realized I couldn't use it because the cig lighter in my van was not functioning. Things snowballed emotionally from there. However I did not let on to the fam about most of it. That being said I ROCKED... no I RAWKED the gift giving this year. For the first time ever I truly enjoyed and was even excited by the giving of gifts this year. I mean it was just awesome. I put so much thought and care and creativity into gifts this year that I can't help a certain amount of sinful pride! I got each of my family members 2 gifts. I gave them all something unique to them and then the second was the same for all of them. They seemed to be a hit! The gifts I got were great too! "Let It Be" pajamas, a Yellow Submarine ornament, a Zombie Christmas Carol book, and a few others were just the tops! Oh! Also a lot of chocolate. Mom takes pride in her chocolate giving, and the stuff we got is the best stuff you can get.
After the initial gifting, and discounting the aforementioned negativity, the day was lazy and fairly relaxing. Mom made an awesome eggs, bacon, and fruit salad breakfast. I was back and forth trying to get laundry done, a show downloaded, and also trying to fix the cig-lighter in my van to no success. The I kind of settled into the could to watch a few movies. First was "Run Fat Boy Run!" which was awesome, Simon Pegg is one of my favorite comedians in movies, he always does such an excellent job! Then right after that we watched "The Golden Compass" which is mediocre as far as epic adventure films go but the cast is so enjoyable in it's own right with 2 of the finest Thespians alive today, Ian McKellan and Christopher Lee! After that was over we had dinner, which though subdued was still an excellent meal. The rest of my night was spent dealing with issues but it has left me now with excitement for things to come.
Today, (it has officially been the day after Christmas for 9 minutes now) I'm going with my family to see Sherlock Holmes. My family is big into literature in our own ways. Mom and Dad are vociferous readers, where as Lizzi and I are just very cultured casual readers. Lizzi being WAY more casual than I, and that's saying something! Holmes is a huge classic literary icon so the movie is something we all can appreciate. I believe my sister is also leaving tomorrow to join her boyfriend at his parents' house for New Years, so spending time with her is also a big motivation.
That would be another bog way this year has been so much better than previous years. I've been able to hang out with my dear and lovely sister. Last year I barely saw her and it seems we see each other less and less. This year however I think we made a bigger point of hanging out. Even though I don't think we're as close... or maybe just as involved as other sibling pairings I know of, I miss her often. When she first went off to college I started thinking about how she's going to be my family longer than anyone if everyone lives out a natural life. After Mom and Dad are gone, and sadly they will be one day, She'll hopefully still be there. I love my sister so much.
Anyway, stores will be back open tomorrow which means I might just be able to get my van fixed a little more. I'm hoping that all I need to do is buy a new fuse and my cig-lighter will be functional again which means I'll be able to use that awesome GPS device!
Finally, I spent a great deal of time thinking about, and a little bit of time, talking to Courtney. She stubbornly fought to bring me out of my funk, but more so force me to look at life from another angle. She's responsible for my current state of mind... well not responsible, but she can definitely take credit for changing my perspective. I hope she knows that her friendship is more meaningful than any gift... even an awesome Star Trek play-set! Thanks Courtney!

"Make my wish come true.
All I want for Christmas is you."

-S-

Merry Christmas (War Is Over)

"A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear "

Okay, so I think it's time to write about the holidays. If You want it...

This time of year, just before Thanksgiving, and through New Years Day is a strange and wonderful time. People start talking about the "Reason for the Season" and it being the "Most Wonderful Time of the Year!" For me, in reality it's a time of year that has a lot of expectations and rarely delivers. I enter into every holiday season with a certain amount of trepidation. See, I know how much I love the spirit of Christmas, it's got a weird child-like spectacle that has never left my soul. However, the wonder and amazement that were there when I was a kid never fully manifest. Hmm... let me rewind.
First allow me to describe the Dempsey Christmas! Actually I don't have much to say... Pretty traditional really! We'd wake up early Christmas Morning open presents, after which Mom would fix a nice breakfast for us all. After which some people might go back to sleep. Mostly just dad. In later years it seemed to get earlier and earlier when Liz and Mom would come in and wake me up. Dad and I would find common ground in trying to resist the waking. I began to think my sister and mother were crazy. I later figured, Diz wasn't even going to sleep. Yeah, that's about how it went since I could remember up to and including last year.
In the year 2000 I was a freshman at East Carolina University. I spent Thanksgiving with My Aunt Helen and Uncle Bob in Atlanta. It was the first time I spent a major holiday away from my immediate family. I was pretty miserable. I love my Aunt and Uncle but they are very very very devout Catholic and I was not. They also were very old fashioned and I was not. I honestly felt like I was 7 years-old and being baby sat. It was an incredibly boring couple of days and I was perfectly glad when it was over. It was also important because it was my first time away from school and thus the first time I missed my friends at school! When Christmas break came around a few weeks later I was overwhelmed with joy to finally be visiting back home in Indiana. Probably the most excited I'd ever been to get back home... certainly in Indiana. Here enters my first ever Christmas time let-down. My parents literally picked me up from the Airport and dropped me off at home. I spent the first 24 hours home from University, alone. It was odd to say the least. That would also be the first time I met Grizzy, my mom's cat. I didn't have a car, or cell phone at the time. I didn't know people's phone numbers. It was a long night. The rest of the break had it's ups and downs. However by the time Christmas rolled around I was finding I had trouble relating to old friends and simply looking forward to getting back to school to be around my new ones. I will always remember it because it was the first time I ever disproportionately did NOT enjoy the holidays.
Sadly, it only got worse. My sophomore year I transferred to Ball State University. I was closer to home, and I had a Girlfriend. She was VERY close with her family, something I was finding more and more that I was not. That year, tragedy had struck the country and that particular holiday season held with it a certain amount of sorrow. I remember the grief I had over 9/11 and how much interest I poured into The first Harry Potter movie that came out that year. That along with the Lord of the Rings movie were to be the highlights of my break. I was noticing just how dispersed my family had become. My sister now well within high school had a very busy social life and the Rents seemed to have developed new interests as well. Until Marie came and visited me that year I found myself very lonely again. By this time my old high school friends were either busy with new high school social groups or busy visiting family being back from college themselves. Okay maybe lonely isn't the right word... it was more disappointment. Yeah! I was disappointed because I expected to feel happier to be home and in the familiar. Compared to Marie's family which was so warm and welcoming of her return, mine was cool and lackadaisical. It was then that I had the mission to make sure the next year would be better.
The year 2002.
It was the year that debuted Avril Lavigne, George Harrison died, and Emo music really started to get a foot hold in popular culture. I know that's all music based but... well that my barometer for the past. The music that was happening. In other words... it was a dark time! Marie and I had broken up and gotten back together only very shortly before Christmas Break started. So I was needing to my time home in the Bus to be more than just a period of relaxation. I needed the family closeness and spirit of Christmas to fill my soul! See 2002 was also the year that I decided to make a very personal attempt to try and regain my religion. In the summer of 2001 I decided to stop going to church because of a few people who had shown me the negative side of Christianity. So that year I was kinda lost, I'd been depressed for the first real time ever and didn't like what I was feeling. I searched for answers every where. The church seemed like one of the best places. I started going to Saint Francis of Assisi Catholic church was very close to campus, with a few friends. When I got home my Mother was VERY happy to know that I'd picked it back up. During Christmas there was the same distance between my family. It wasn't negative, just everyone doing their own thing, even more so than the previous year. So remembering the previous year began planning family activities. Yeah... me! lol Movies, shopping trips, dinner, and whatever else I could come up with. I let my parents know what I was thinking and they were mostly game for it. Dizzy however had her own agenda and usually opted out at the last minute. In the end though, it still felt forced and fake. I drove up to Huntington to visit with Marie and again, by comparison it all felt so different. I returned home for a few more days before break was ended and it couldn't end soon enough by that point.
The next couple years had a few improvements because of one very simple life-altering amendment. Spring of 2003 my sister totalled my Isuzu Trooper. I loved that fucking car and it was no more. As compensation Mom gave me her Dodge Caravan (yep the van I currently drive) and I demanded the ability to take my car to school with me. Mostly because I wanted a vehicle there but also because there, Dizzy could wreck the damned thing. lol So, I had a car that year for school which meant I left for Break when I wanted! I waited until the very last moment before the dorms closed to go home. No sooner was I home, and I was at the movies, or visiting friends, or in Greenwood Christmas Shopping, or whatever! The point was, I was out of the house as much as possible! The family void was still there but it's effects were diminished by my own absence form the house. It was a GREAT improvement! the next year it only got better because then I was in my first apartment and didn't even have to leave! I didn't even come home that year until Christmas Eve. The freedom I experienced that year was unparalleled. I was basically only home for Christmas that year. I think I left a day or 2 later. The down side comes when the Ice Storm of 2004 hit Muncie and forced me back to my Parent's house because of the lack of power. I couldn't want to get home more though. That was also the first year I started referring to that house as "My Parent's House" rather than "Home."
The years that followed graduation have been up and down. They weren't really ever spectacular because for awhile there I was living back at the Rents' house and it was just kinda there. Even last Christmas when I wasn't even living there I still stayed there as a favor to my borders. To be perfectly fair though... last year's felt a lot closer then Christmas has in quite some time. I not only got to appreciate my sister being home, but I celebrated with friends and a certain special someone for the first time. It was a nice feeling buying presents for people other than family whom I cared about.
This year promises to be better still! I feel like this, at the age of 27, will be my first true adult Christmas. I am truly out of the Rents' House for good and most importantly that will mean I won't have to get up before the crack of dawn because my Sister and Mother are truly psychotic! That fact alone excites me about Christmas this year. Though, I know my Mom and I just know when it comes down to it, she's going to make me promise to come over early to open gifts and I'll agree because...it's mom. Sigh.
So I guess a final thought would be that the holidays SUCK! They suck because they make you spend a lot of time and money on things you wouldn't otherwise spend them on... like family and friends! Oh wait... maybe that's a good thing?! See I don't think these holidays endure because some Uptight Europeans got hungry once and were fed by the future-impoverished and neglected denizens of the Americas, or because a Middle-Eastern Chick accidentally had a baby before having sex. I think these holidays endure because they force us take part in the sometimes awkward tradition of family. They make us stop working long enough to enjoy some time with our friends and spend money on people other than ourselves. That... might be the ACTUAL "Reason for the season", and, THAT makes it the "Most wonderful time of the year."

"...And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun..."

-S-

In My Life

"There are places I'll remember all my life..."

Everyone knows I love the Beatles. It's basically a fact of life. The sky is blue, water is wet, cash rules, and Seann loves the Beatles. I've been asked more than a few times about my own personal Beatle-mania. I think it's weird when people don't like the Beatles. Their impact not just on music, but popular culture is everywhere! I like them because there is a song in their catalogue for any occasion; I mean how many other bands have a popular birthday song besides the traditional boring one? Yeah, none! So I'm happy that my own personal history can be soundtracked by the greatest rock'n'roll band in all of history!

First off let me say my parents raised me on three things discipline, art, and good music. Mom and Dad always had the oldies station going on every trip we ever took, be it to the grocery store down the street or on one of our MANY vacations/ trips to visit relatives. I was raised on a fantastic blend of Rock'n'Roll and Motown. Growing up, I loved the Temptations, Janice Joplin, and of course a healthy dose of the King! However, I have a vivid memory of a trip back from Myrtle Beach where I first heard the song "Eleanor Rigby". I loved the sound, and the chorus of "All the lonely people, where do they all come from?" stuck in my head even as a child. I remember asking my mom later that day if she liked the new band called the Beatles. I remember the argument that followed, because I couldn't accept that because I hadn't heard their music before that, therefore they must not have existed. My concept of time then was if I hadn't heard of it before then it was new. I was four years old.
The next couple years that followed didn't yield much in the way of musical revelation. I didn't own my own boom box or radio so my musical exposure was limited to the car radio and mom's kitchen radio in the morning during breakfast before school. I always perked up a bit when I heard the Beatles. One morning that sticks out in memory, "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" was playing and I remembered the chorus for the rest of the day. I remembered singing it in class and getting chastised by my first grade teacher because it,” was about drugs and drugs are BAD!" As a deep thinking kid I was very perplexed at the idea that a happy sounding song being about something that was bad. Lucy sounded happy. After all we were taught strangers will give you drugs and strangers want to hurt you and take your from your family. Perplexed indeed.

I don't remember how old I was, but I was very young when I first remember being touched by the death of a celebrity. I remember as a kid, it must have been December 8th; there was a story on the radio talking about anniversary of the death of John Lennon. I asked my mom why she was sad. She told me that he was a Beatle who had been murdered. The radio host mentioned his wife Yoko, and his son Sean. When I heard MY name on the radio, I remember being very sad that a kid with the same name as me had lost his Dad.

The year was Anno Domini Nineteen Hundred and Ninety One and I was beginning to enter a time of musically meandering youth. While I still had the steady influx of Oldies from the family car radio, I was rebelling against what wasn't "cool." Nothing the Rents' enjoyed could possibly be cool. Right? Right. That year I received a couple birthday presents. First was a boom box that I could play my new tapes on. Take a moment if you need to giggle over your memories of tapes. I was gifted 3 tapes, A brand spankin' new New Kids On The Block album, M.C. Frickin' Hammer, and a mix tape dad made me of classic rock. Now the first two I damn near wore out from over playing, the third I listened to because I knew it would make Dad happy. There were 2 songs on the mix that I liked and would listen to when nobody was around. "Come Together" which sounded an awful lot like a Michael Jackson song from "MoonWalker" and a really weird song called "All Along The Watchtower."
Later that year, for X-mas, my family received a present that would change my life as I knew it... our first NINTENDO! I also got my first game, the first game in a series that would also be a major part of my entertainment life growing up. "Final Fantasy" consumed me. I always loved the wizards and dragons theme of fantasy having grown up with a father and godfather who played Dungeons and Dragons. I really enjoyed the music of the game as well, which were more than the annoying blips, bloops, and bleeps that my parents heard, there was one castle theme in particular I enjoyed. There was a very familiar harmony to the main Melody. A digitalized violin part that I knew very well... Unfortunately I wouldn't figure it out until many years later, but that theme quickly became my favorite music to listen to in the game.

The Beatles were mostly absent for the next 14 years of my life. They showed up here and there, usually on the radio, TV, or a cover band that played in Columbus every summer. However, this was a time I was coming into my own musically. I would discover bands like Metallica, Garbage, Aerosmith, and Linkin Park. Not to mention a very long period where I was exclusively listening to Rap and R&B. Tupac, Dr. Dre, Boys2Men, TLC, Coolio, and the physically perfect Toni Braxton dominated my headphones. In 1995 Mr. Holland's Opus came out, and being in the band at the time, it was an event! In the film John Lennon's death is referenced and kind of took me back to when I first heard about it and I went home that day and listened to my dad's vinyl Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band album. The album that "Lucy In The Sky" is on. In 1998 one of the most amazing Beatles cover albums came out. "In My Life" was an Album compiled by Sir George Martin that covered some of the more popular Beatles songs by various celebrities like Jim Carrey, Goldie Hawn, Robin Williams, and of course Sean Connery!!! I still love this album to this day and listen to tracks from it often.

"GET DOWN FROM THERE!"

The next time Beatles music came up would be 2001 when the film "I Am Sam" came out. The soundtrack consisting completely of covered Beatles songs. The girlfriend of the time listened to it nonstop and when I stayed at her apartment I'd often fall asleep to it. Later that year George Harrison would die from cancer, I remember the newspaper clippings my dad had around the house once when I visited from college. The most notable was a cartoon of George's Guitar Crying. I found a copy of The White Album and listened to "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" about a million times. It is to this day in my top 5 favorite Beatles songs.

When 2006 came around, it was a year of a LOT of change. Let's start off with the small fact that since I graduated from Ball State University to much lack of fanfare there was a big hole in my life. When I moved back home with my parents I had a decided lack of friends. I found a lot of company in the music I listened to. I was in a state of purgatory musically though and I didn't realize it until months later when I started dating a girl named Chelsi. The infamous Chelsi opened my world to many new things most notably tattoos, piercings, and lots of music! One night she told me she found an awesome cover I had to listen to of one of her favorite songs. The band was called "gODHEAD" and the song was Eleanor Rigby. It actually isn't a bad cover at all I enjoyed. This launched us into a big discussion of how much she loved the Beatles and how I grew up with them. So given that at the time I was a musical sponge (not that much has changed in that respect) I decided to dig out all of Dad's vinyls and relisten to the Beatles. My friend Alex supplied me with a cd that contained ever single Beatles album... except "Let It Be" which is odd... but Dad had that one on cd so it was cool. I started listening to the Beatles everyday, all the time. I enjoyed the memories like reconnecting with old friends, friends who'd been around since I was a kid.

One day I was replaying my old Final Fantasy game when I got to that one castle I always like the music for. I heard that familiar harmony again. I knew those violins!!!! It was the same harmony from Eleanor Rigby! I researched the composer and despite being raised and educated in Japan he was a huge fan of the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, and the Rolling Stones. My love for that game and the Beatles was only made more fanatical at this point! I so dig the very strange parallel to 2 of my most favorite childhood things.

I had officially rediscovered the Beatles! The timing could not have been better either as later that year a new Cirque Due Soleil Show came out in Las Vegas entitled "Love." I was a minor fan of Cirque but the idea of a Cirque show with a Beatles soundtrack was mind-blowing. The Album came out and I listened to it everyday for months! I was completely hooked. I had childhood memories, modern enjoyment and the best was still to come. The fact that there are literally millions of people the world over that feel the same way about the Beatles connected me with others. I went on a date with a girl in the summer of 2007 and on our way to the Bartholomew County Fairgrounds she picked up my ipod to choose some music. She chose a song from the Beatles "1" album that I wasn't really into and rarely listened to. However, I now love the song "Paperback Writer" and will eternally associate the song with Courtney. Also in 2007 as a birthday present from my parents, I received The Beatles Anthology DVD collection. Not only was I now a fan but I KNEW the Beatles themselves. Being a history buff I enjoyed the world spanning history of the band and was re-educated on just how great they really were/are!

In the years since, I have followed the Beatles religiously. I have my times when I listen to something else. I'm still ravenous for new music, but I have a few constants and the Beatles are definitely tops. I've subscribed pretty heavily to the message of their music, that message being peace and love. I've become a pacifist, and John Lennon is a personal hero to that effect. It's just my opinion that they are an all around consistent and positive band.... or they were! There isn't a day that goes by anymore that I don't listen to a few songs by the Beatles. My room, my apartment, and even my office are adorned with Beatles memorabilia. Even my favorite comedian played Mr. Kite in "Across The Universe!" Most of my best friends are fans themselves and their music can often provide a soundtrack to our time together. They are just so heavily intertwined in my life; it would be weird if I didn't like them!

So there you have it. I think the best thing about this is this isn't an explanation of something that once was. This is only a summation of my own personal 27 years of life experience with their music. They were popular 20 years before I existed and will continue to be popular long after I've decided to stop being immortal." Though I know I'll never lose affection for people and things that went before, I know I'll often stop and think about them..."

"In my life, I've loved them all."

-S-

You.

You're frustrated and lonely.
You miss what you can't have.
You wanna talk to whom won't listen.
You don't want to think because it makes you weak.
You don't want to long because it's forbidden.
You don't want to feel because those feelings betray you every time and hurt you just as consistantly.
You hear it's call.
You see it coming.
You feel it's presence.
And all you really ever wanted was for it all to go back when you were happy for that brief moment in time when...
You thought everything was right.

-S