Ask Yourself...

I don't know if she will ever understand because I don't know if she really even cares. The way my blood surges in my veins when I picture of her smile. The feeling never changed. My heart aches for her every time I hear the word love. Whenever I see her picture my eyes focus on her beautiful face...

But I don't know if she really even cares. The affirmation of a warm body next to me doesn't exist. The loving gaze that meets mine to confirm a deeper passion doesn't look for me. I have only the the broken electronic modification of her heavenly voice as it comes through a telephone to reassure me, ever more frustrated, that she does indeed love me. Mostly, I have the world wide web to thank and curse for my last remaining scraps of interpersonal communication with she who my heart longs for every second of my life. A message to her followed by those obsessive moments that stretch on for hours and days waiting for response. Waiting for some rebuttal or some vindication of deepest emotion desperately needing to be shared.

There are so many ways to tell a person that you love them and I will try every way a hundred times until the message is seen, heard, or felt...

...but I don't know if she really even cares. There is the hope that she does though...

With love, always follows hope.

-S

If You're Gone...

I was never too sure
to think.
Paranoia's jealous grip
on thoughts
of love and happiness
strangle away that
smile
you loved so much.
A smile that may never
be seen again.
My heart gives up.
My lungs refuse
to breathe.
My eyes tear
and swell
as my gaze falls
from the heavens
to the floor.
Love finds a way
through obstacles
but it got lost coming back
from you.

Are you still there
for me?
Does you light shine
for someone else?
Do you hurt for me?
Or did the reality
of your true love's conviction
sway to betray
and belong to someone else?
I miss your touch.
I miss your kiss.
I die every time I think
of your smile.
I hate the depths
of the sorrow
I feel.
Where'd you go?