Paradise

It’s a strange thing, seeing something differently than you ever did before. For the first time in longer than I can remember I actually watched The Beach in it’s entirety. Instead of the wanderlust or longing for that one perfect day that I usually get filled with I felt the weight of the darkness in the movie. I remember the darkness in the book and I never once associated that with movie until now. Oddly enough, this re-envisioned sense of the movie only makes it that much more precious to me. I think it’s a sign that I’ve changed and grown.

The movie used to be a metaphore for a place of escape. Whether it was while I was watching the movie itself or listening to the soundtrack like I am now, it always took me out of reality to some more perfect place. A safe place where I could be that young college guy sitting out in the sun reading a book with my beautiful girlfriend.

The music of the movie will always remind me of such a time and place where that was a reality for a few hours. Songs from the movie with that overwhelming sense of a sunny day's promise. When I bought the soundtrack it was one of the first warm days of spring my second year of college. It was the spring of 2002. I remember the grassy area outside my dorm called the "Noyer Bowl" filled with people playing sports or laying out enjoying the sun. My girlfriend of the time, Marie and I went out and laid out under a tree and read our respective books. I popped the Beach soundtrack into my CD player and drifted off. It was absolutely perfect.
It’s been a more that four years since that day and in that time the world has changed around me completely. Obviously, most of the changes since then have been good ones so I don’t know that there is any sadness in these thoughts. It’s just odd because for the first time I more than understand the closing lines of the movie...

"I still believe in paradise, but now I know it's not some place you can look for. Because it's not where you go. It's how you feel for a moment in your life. If you find that moment, it lasts forever."

-Ciao

Fuck The Middle East, Bring Our Troops Home!!!

I'm pissed and need to vent.

I just read that the bodies of the soldiers who were captured last week in Irag have been found and were "brutally" murdered. I am so fucking sick of people dying because of some fucking asshole's religion. Yes, Bush and those Al Queda assholes. I wish we could put all our tyranical leaders and all those fanatical fucks into a room and watch the ensuing cock-fight.
One of the soldiers was a year older than me and one was a year younger than me. So it gets to me when I find out that in the line of doing their job they were kidnapped and gleefully eviscerated by some fundementalist, self-righteous son of a bitch because our presidents cronies bombed the shit out of some other assholes house. In other words, these two guys around my age were killed because a couple other people they've never met don't like each other.
And thats what it is. It's a game of who's got the bigger religious cock?! If cocksize were based on character all these evil, murderous pricks would be

EUNUCHS!

I long for a more peaceful world.

-Ciao

Just a Reminder...

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Just in case anyone forgot.

-Ciao

Damn! I look GooOWW!

Life is nonstop. Another one of my friends is getting married, still another is expecting their first child. I was walking and I suddenly felt this pain up my leg. Yes, I know the former have nothing to do with the latter but it just goes to show ya... Life is constantly throwing things you'll never expect.

And to think, an hour or two before all of that happened I was thinking about how good I looked in my new clothes today.

-Ciao

Jimmy Cracks Corn and I Don't Give a Sh....

Ever have one of those days where despite the best efforts of the world around you you're in a good mood? Thats me today. I loathe my job. Lost a bunch of money fixing my van. I'm single and have been for awhile. Despite all of that I feel happy, and no mood enhancing drugs are currently present either. Sometimes life is just odd as all get out.

-Ciao

This Is How You Remind Me....

I was going through my email account looking for an address of a friend I haven't spoken to in years and I came across a bunch of emails from a girlfriend from a lifetime ago. Out of pure curiosity I started reading a few. Most were short messages of I love you or apology type letters from afer a fight, yes we fought alot. After a couple I had to stop because I suddenly realized how much I miss having a girlfriend. I've been single for awhile now and it hasn't been too bad. Being single as we all know has it's ups and downs but I've honestly had way more "ups". However, after reading those emails I just miss the small things that happen everyday. I don't miss my Ex, not by any stretch of the imagination but I do miss being in a relationship. Lately, where I have wanted to date I haven't put much effort into it because I'm trying to concentrate on getting the financial stability ball rolling a bit. Now, though, I'm feel a stronger urge to date again.... Anyone know anyone?

-Ciao

Intelligent Design, No Wait! Design Intelligence!

Professionally speaking, I had a major thing happen this past week. I finished my first design comission. I was asked to design some panel displays for kidscommons. Those are the things when you go to fairs or whatever that sit on tables and tell about whatever the person is marketing. Like those big cardboard things kids use in science fairs. You get it. So I really got dicked as far as pay, and I'm none to happy about it. Basically I got rewarded more work hours for my efforts. In a practical sense that means more money but I still have to work for it. Kind of a shit reward. None the less the pride and sense of accomplishment I have helps get over the other short comings. Whats weird is I actually kind of enjoyed doing it. I've never been into graphic design. Corporate shit in general makes me sick. It makes me think republican, yuck! That being said I've been inspired to maybe persue more design projects to give myself some other sources of revenue. On the other hand I want to keep it to a minimum, I don't want to end up in a job where I lose my feel of art as opposed to design.

-Ciao

Not To Be Confused With...

...Pixar's Cars of which I have no opinion.

but

Car's Suck.
We are too dependent on them as a source of transportation. The very nature of a car is that of a place of isolation. Gas is too expensive. This is my professional unbiased opinion.
My personal opinion is much the same with the addition of cars being too expensive to fix. I bring this up because I dropped $800 to fix the breaks on my car for the second time in less than a year. This is the second time in less than a year that my car has taken me out of being financially stable into "Oh Fuck!" territory. Side effects of living in Oh Fuck include missing a good friend's grad party. Thats COLLEGE grad party. Also, I was going to take part in a bit of luxury and get myself a tattoo finally. I know, I know! These are superficial concerns and I should just be happy that no real damage was done to my car or my body for that matter.
That being said.... well, cars suck. I'm gonna ride the city bus.

Buses rock.

-Ciao